Living Healthy and Wealthy: No Expectations, No Disappointments

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

No Expectations, No Disappointments

How many times have you heard the expression, "no expectations, no disappointments?" Probably more times than you can remember - or care to. You probably even used it yourself a time or two. But the real question is, are you living by this age-old adage? Chances are, as soon as you get the statement out of your mouth - applying it to an actual situation goes out the window. Today, we are going to try and change that. I know, easier said than done. But seriously, I'm learning to apply this statement to work, home and play. And if I can do it, you can too. So, with that being said, let's explore a few "reminders" (you already this stuff!!) to keep us on track.

How do you define expectation?

I think it's important to start with your definition of expectation. Our friends at dictionary.com define it as:

1. A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

2. A belief that someone will or should achieve something

Now, let's work with these definitions. If we truly put expectations on someone or something - we are setting ourselves up for a major let down. You see, if you don't share your expectations with that someone - and they don't perform as "you" require - well, that's your clue right there. You cannot hold them responsible for "your" disappointments. The issue is not about our expectations which are one-sided. The real issue is "my" expectation of you.

So how do we change that? Not have any expectations? Absolutely not! No pessimistic thinking allowed! We must turn this negative into a positive for both parties by coming to an agreement - an understanding if you will, that the real issue around accountability is what "we" agree with each other. This is powerful and can work in changing expectations to agreements and any situation.

If you keep this in mind - you can learn to let go of unrealistic expectations of others. Remember, the only expectation you are allowed to have is of yourself. Take a moment right now and release all expectations of other people. (I'm not kidding, take a moment - or two, or three) Ok, did you do it? Understand, this is not about the other person. It is about you, your thoughts and feelings about the situation(s).

Yeah, I know .. you can't just talk about it. You have to be about it. Yes, I know, people are still going to disappoint us - over and over and over again. But it's not about how many times we are let down - it's how we get back up or stay up and focused on the matter at hand. That's why it's critical to have a conversation with the person to establish and agreement. And if the agreement is not met - have another conversation to find out why. Don't launch it to the "I expect that...." mode either!! Ask questions and stay focused on getting a mutual understanding and agreement. Keep in mind - your actual agreement may be that the person may not have agreed with you. But instead of being disappointed and frustrated, you can be empowered and confident that you held up your part of the bargain (the agreement), and together you can move forward.

Ahhh, don't you feel better about the no expectations, no disappointments lifestyle? I know you can do it. Things won't fall into place overnight, but if you consistently put this plan into action, you will be freed from that albatross of hurt feelings and disappointment around your neck. In the words of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ... "FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST. THANK GOD ALMIGHTY WE'RE FREE AT LAST!"